LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT 99 RANCH
(or ranch 99 WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT)
99 ranch is an asian grocery store, aka the champion of all grocery stores. how are asian groceries better than normal ones, you ask???
THEY HAVE SO MUCH MORE FUN SHIT IN THEM THATS WHY.
asian groceries typically have all sorts of weirdass produce you would not see in a normal grocery store. gigantic cheap veggies? sure. obscure as hell asian fruits? WHAT BETTER PLACE.
but you know what else they got???
FUCKIN LIVE SEAFOOD IN TANKS IT’S SCARY AS HELL. when i was a kid, fun fact, my grandpa bought a crab and i thought it was my new “pet” but years later i found out that he didn’t run away, he got eaten for dinner :(
99 ranch also has, like a normal grocery, a bakery, but it’s not just any bakery
IT’S AN ASIAN BAKERY
asian bakeries have the most beautiful goddamn cakes i want to get into committed relationships with every last one of these cakes. asian bakery cakes are always super light and fluffy jesus fuckchrist would you fuck a cake i would fuck a cake but only if it was an asian cake. keep in mind, they have other pastries: fresh ass breads and cookies and roll cakes god damn i love the asian bakery.
and finally, along with the bakery
is the dim sum. and like most things at 99 ranch, it is dirt cheap. all those dumplings and pork buns and delicious unhealthy fried things
and of course, our friends
the roast ducks, hangin out in a corner by the dimsum. you wanna shell out for some bonus cholesterol, and still get it for a bargain? you can.
because you’re at the 99 ranch.
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT RANCH 99 IT IS FANTASTIC ALSO THEY CUT CRABS SO PROFESSIONALLY THAT THE CRABS ARE STILL ALIVE FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES AFTER THEY’RE CUT IN HALF I have stories about days I’ve bought crabs to cook and they get chopped in half and I’m driving home and they start trying to escape and I’m just like YOU’RE NOT GOING FAR WITHOUT HALF YOUR BODY. so yeah. ranch 99 is awesome.